Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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