you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
