she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
