Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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