a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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