she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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