Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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