dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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