You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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