Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
