I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize