I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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