yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
