Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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