I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
