the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
