Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
