I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
