So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
