There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
