the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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