Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
