I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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