I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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