in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
