i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
