so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
