Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
