Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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