hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
