umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
