WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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