wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
