I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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