This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
