Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
