So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
