I don't usually arrange sex via text message
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
