i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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