Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
