erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
