I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is wine microwaveable?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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