maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
