My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
