I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
