you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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