I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
