You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
