Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
