worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
