I think my vagina is haunted
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
