I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
