I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
