Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
