I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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