i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
