I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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