Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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