hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
