All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize