White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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